Ever since last Friday morning, I've constantly felt sick to my stomach. It's a feeling shared by most who have been following the story of the Newtown shootings. Over the last few days, I've forced myself to stop watching TV coverage of the tragedy and read less articles about it not because I don't care, but because I keep getting so nauseous from all of the reports.
Initially, like everyone else, I was distraught over the idea that a man two years younger than me would walk into an elementary school and murder innocent first graders. During the first few days of coverage, I was invested in finding out who the victims were, committing their names to memory and learning about their lives.
But as the days passed, more and more information emerged about the shooter, and that information was devastating for me. Many are saying the gunman had Asperger's syndrome, a high-functioning form of autism that severely affects a person's social skills and causes them to have intense fixations. Often, Asperger's is accompanied by other psychological disorders such as ADD/ADHD or Bipolar disorder.
People with Asperger's can lead normal lives. With the right help, they can graduate college, marry, own a home, hold down a job and have children of their own. Asperger's does not create killers. It does not automatically mean that a person, like the Sandy Hook gunman, is violent or dangerous.
I know this because I live with Asperger's every day of my life. My big brother has Asperger's, and he has turned into a wonderful adult who I am proud of every day.
My brother has had his difficult moments for sure. There have been tantrums and angry outbursts and hospitalizations. But throughout his 26 years of life, he has never once hurt anyone aside from himself, and I know he never would.
My brother is a high-functioning member of society. He is absolutely brilliant, graduating from his college honor's program cum laude and earning a master's degree six months later. He received top scores on the CPA exam, a test that approximately half of all candidates fail the first time around. He is an avid Patriots fan and goes to all home games. He has also developed a group of tailgating friends from years at the stadium, and after meeting them a few times, I can tell how much they all love my brother.
How could you not? My brother is one of the most generous people I know. When he takes a rare vacation, he drains his bank account buying gifts for everyone he knows. He loves Disney World and he loves children, and on recent visits to Disney, he has returned with an extra suitcase of gifts for my father's co-workers' children. One co-worker has a son with leukemia, so to cheer him up, my brother got him VIP tickets to Patriots training camp.
My brother is a great older brother as well. He and I both love Harry Potter, and when the books came out, I always used to go to the midnight Barnes
& Nobles parties with him. Then we'd race home and read all night,
and once we were finished with the books, we'd talk about every minute
detail in them. (I only spoiled the ending of a book for him once -
sorry about that!)
When the final Harry Potter movie came out, he took me to Universal Studios to see the premiere. We stayed in an extremely nice hotel a short walk away from the parks, and he took me out one night for the best steak dinner I've ever had. Originally, I was planning to pay my way for the vacation, but he refused and paid for my entire trip.
A few months ago, when I expressed a desire to go with my friends to the Taylor Swift/Ed Sheeran concert at Gillette Stadium next summer, my brother told me he also wanted to go and he would take care of tickets for everyone. So it was my brother who tracked all the emails for the pre-orders and sat in online waiting rooms to purchase the tickets.
I'm so lucky, for these and other reasons, that he is my brother.
When I watch television psychologists using Asperger's as an excuse for the Sandy Hook gunman's actions, I get really annoyed. At first, I was annoyed with myself, because for a split second I wondered if this could ever be my brother. I hate that I thought that, even though it was for less than a minute. Deep down in my heart, I knew my brother would never do something like this. He would never hurt anyone else, and he would especially never hurt a child.
I know, however, that there are many people in the world who don't live with Asperger's, who don't know what it is or how hard people with Asperger's work to lead a normal life. This gunman will be their introduction to the syndrome, and they could easily assume anyone with the syndrome could be a killer.
But I just don't believe that's true. Just like there are people in this world who do not have Asperger's and become killers, there are others who do have Asperger's and become killers. There is no link between autism/Asperger's and violence. It's not the syndrome; it's the person.
I worry though, in the wake of these shootings, that my brother will be judged by others, that they'll think he's someone he is not or that they'll fear him. And I worry too for my brother. If I, who have little to nothing in common with the killer and victims, am so disturbed by this, imagine what it must be like to know that the killer has the same disorder that you have.
My thoughts and prayers continue to remain with the town of Newtown, Conn. and all those connected to the victims. My thoughts and prayers also remain with my brother and all people who have Asperger's as they struggle to reconcile themselves with this tragedy as well.
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