"Constrained": a song about Harry Styles' jeans

So since I'm a directioner now and everything, I'm all up to date on everything going on in the One Direction world. Right now, there's some major distress over the whole "Harry Styles dating Taylor Swift" controversy (a relationship directioners have dubbed "Haylor"). People are writing break-up songs galore about this relationship, but I decided it would be more fitting to write a Taylor Swift song about how tight Harry Styles pants are because let's admit it, there is nothing that matters more in this world than the way Harry's pants fit. I wrote the song to the tune of Taylor Swift's "Mean". Lyrics and a way to play the original song are below.

"Constrained"

Taylor Swift Mean by MoniiStyless
 

You, tried to be a rockstar by wearing skinny jeans and a plaid long-sleeve shirt
You, just look like your legs are choking got them feeling numb and tingly
You, with your wallet bulging out of your pocket again, we see everything through the fabric
You, zipping up the fly again
Well you struggle to take them off in just one single yank
But you don't know you look so dumb

Somewhere, I'll be, wearing jeans that actually fit me
and all you're ever gonna feel is constrained.
Somewhere, I'll be, jumping and dancing and kicking,
and all you'll ever be is constrained.
Why you gotta be so constrained?

You, with your skinny blacks and your hint of crack and your humiliation.
You have squeezed the life out of your balls again as if they weren't already dead.
I'll walk so comfortably while you limp around with no circulation.
You just want to feel your legs again
I'll betcha got bruises now, the price of bad fashion.
But the cycle ends right now, because you can't feel anything below
your hips it hurts like I can't know.

Somewhere, I'll be, wearing jeans that actually fit me
and all you're ever gonna feel is constrained.
Somewhere, I'll be, jumping and dancing and kicking,
and all you'll ever be is constrained.
Why you gotta be so constrained?

And I can see the tears falling from your eyes, trying too hard to take a deep breath
With that stupid zipper popping out of place and you're always noticing
You're cramped up and aching from your skin-tight, stupid jeans
Stuck and waddling down the street 'cuz they're too tight
And all you are is constrained

All you are is constrained
And it's hurting, and it's ugly, and it's not good fashion
and constrained, and constrained, and constrained, and constrained

And somewhere, I'll be, wearing jeans that actually fit me
and all you're ever gonna feel is constrained
Somewhere, I'll be, jumping and dancing and kicking,
and all you'll ever be is constrained. Why you gotta be so …

Somewhere I'll be wearing jeans that actually fit me
And all you're ever gonna feel is constrained
Somewhere, I'll be, jumping and dancing and kicking
And all you're ever gonna feel is constrained
Why you gotta be so constrained?

All photos via paulways-watching-1d.tumblr.com.